


So that’s how they fix things in the First Order?

by insensible



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Porn, Finn's a stormtrooper, Gotta have a happy ending, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Radical acceptance, Stormpilot, They love each other they really do, This isn't how to negotiate anything in real life, What else does Finn know he’s not had the best upbringing, the first order are dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:12:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6227002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insensible/pseuds/insensible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They didn't think through what they were doing until it was almost too late. Finn tries to fix a total disaster the only way he knows how.</p><p>AKA: First Order education was frankly appalling: love'll conquer all in the end. (I'm kind of hoping they find a sex-positive relationship counsellor/therapist with experience at dealing with deserters from evil fascist regimes who have fallen in love with politically committed adrenalin-junkie pilots (and vice versa). Must be at least ONE of those on base?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	So that’s how they fix things in the First Order?

 

 _Poe_ , he says.

_Poe!_

Finn knows how to give orders. He knows how to do the _voice_. It’s a dangerous voice to use right now but - _kriff_ \- he _has_ to.

_Poe, listen. We have to fix this right now._

He was told empathy was his worst failing. A genetic flaw, a wrongness inside him. It had got him into trouble before now. It was part of why he’d refused to follow direct orders on Jakku. Which led to all this. So he doesn’t regret it, doesn't regret any of it, and right now he knows that that failing is all he has left, the only way back home. He trembles. He can feel the crawling chill on Poe’s skin as if it was his own, feel his terrible, uncontrollable shivers. His lover is holding onto the edge of the cot, and any second now he is going to curl up and then it will be too late. His eyes are screwed tight and his teeth are clenched and every muscle in his body is locked in refusal.

Finn has been so _stupid._ He should have known. Love makes you forget…stuff.

It had felt so good to be buried deep in Poe, fucking him for the first time, after long and sweet and agonisingly pleasurable preparation, fingers slick inside Poe’s beautiful ass, kissing his hot skin as he gasped and moaned and clenched the covers tight in his fists and squirmed beneath him, Finn brushing his lips against the back of his neck mouthing nonsense that meant _I love you_ and _I need you more than I need breath right now,_ and _you are the most perfect thing in the galaxy the most perfect thing that has ever existed ever_ and when he pressed Poe’s shoulder down with the flat of one hand and with the other hand pressed the head of his cock against Poe and felt him tremble as he began to push, his heart hammering and stars prickling behind his eyes, oh it was  … but Poe’s shudder and groan made him hesitate.

 _You ok?_ he’d said

 _Mmm_ , Poe said, to reassure him, breathing hard. _I love the way it burns._

And he _had_  always had liked it, before, with others, but this time? This time he was lying to himself, though he didn’t know it was a lie until after he’d said it, and then he didn't want it to be, so he said _Fuck me, Finn_  to convince himself it wasn’t, so Finn did just that, because he wanted to, and because he thought that was what Poe wanted, gripping at his hip a little tighter and fucking him, slow and deep, until Poe knew and then Finn knew too. Finn couldn’t see Poe’s face, just the wet curls dark at his nape but felt the moment happen and it was like ice water sinking in his belly. That moment when Poe froze.

And then they weren’t fucking any more and sitting on the cot and Poe seemed fine, gave a curious half smile, dipped his head, said he was fine, said it again, and then suddenly he wasn’t. Really wasn’t.

If there’s one thing you learn as a stormtrooper, it’s how power works and what it can do.

How it can take people apart.

_Poe. Look at me._

Poe opened his eyes and they were the eyes Finn had first met on the Finalizer. Dead eyes. Far away, expecting nothing good. As if everything that had happened since that day had gone. This was far worse than Finn had thought.

Finn takes a deep breath and kneels in front of him. 

_I know what happened. Just now. And before. This is gonna sound crazy. Poe. Trust me. You have to slap my face. Now. Hard. Put your weight behind it._

Complete incomprehension.

Is it so difficult to understand? Finn could shout at him. It’s so simple. How can the best pilot in the galaxy not get it? He wants to recite a lesson, a remembered script about how it works. They were taught about this kind of thing. About hierarchy. On how to fix inadvertent power transgressions that threatened the smooth running of First Order society. Had lots of lessons, true, but how could anyone _not_ know.Poe needs to take back control now, hard, fast, completely, and this is the quickest way, the most efficient. It’ll take just a second to step back from the brink, then we can work out the details. But time is of the essence. 

_Poe! Do it!_

Poe shakes his head, recoils, like he thinks Finn’s playing some kink out in his head and he wants nothing to do with it at all. 

 _This,_ Finn says, urgently, in a low hiss, _is NOT about sex. It’s about us. I don’t know about a lot of things. But I know how to fix this. Please, Poe. Please. It’ll help._

His voice has lost all pretence of command. Poe shakes his head again, tenses his muscles. He is going to stand. He is going to leave. He half rises from the cot.

 _Fuck_.

Finn launches himself upwards at him. Grabs the softest part of the underneath of Poe’s upper arm as hard as he can and pinches, drags down. It won’t restrain him but oh it’ll hurt. He needs it to. He needs a _reaction._ He shouts in his lover’s face.

_I'M A GODDAMNED STORMTROOPER POE!_

_Kriff,_ Poe was fast, a right hook to the jaw and a left to the gut. Finn falls backwards, blood on his lip.

Flat on his back on the rough carpet.

He looks up through the pain. He got what he wanted,but it was more than he expected. He prays to the Force this might work.

Poe is standing staring down at him. There are tears in his eyes.

 _Hello Poe,_ Finn says.

He sees Poe’s mouth move. Nothing comes out.

Finn speaks very slowly.

_I know when you fuck me sometimes you think about me that way. I know you get off on it._

Poe colours. He looks away.

 _Fuck the enemy into submission, right?_ Finn says.

There’s a long silence.

Poe won’t look at him.

 _Of course you do. I would too,_ Finn continues, his voice husky with sincerity and something like fear, because he knows how much rests on what he says. _We think things even if we don’t want to …_ he waved one hand helplessly . _.. because of what happened to us. It’s not just you. It isn’t._

He takes a deep breath.

_Want to know something? Last week when you fucked me across the table I thought of you whispering to me that I was a traitor, whispering it in my ear, and kriff, Poe, it made me come so hard I nearly passed out. I hated myself for it.”_

Above him, unbidden, Poe’s cock twitches a fraction. Finn expected it to. He knows how power works. Right now, he hates himself for that too.

Poe’s eyebrows rise.  _You never told me you were thinking that,_ he says.

 _Yeah. I know I didn’t._ He shrugs.

He knows that even in this perilous state that particular confession is as hot as hell to darker parts of Poe. Finn has forced him to be here, forced him to land a savage blow that’s hauled them back to a place where they can communicate but now it’s like he’s handed him a hot coal from a fire. Poe doesn’t know what to do with it. But if he _can_ handle it, if they can get past this, Finn knows how things are going to work between them. He doesn’t think he’ll get to fuck Poe for a while. The other way round, though — 

He hopes. Kriff he hopes.

 _Just now_. _It wasn’t you._ Poe’s voice is cracked. Dull. _Felt I was getting fucked by the ... First Order._

Finn nods. If only he’d thought about it before. But he didn't want to. Of course it had happened. Back on the Finalizer. Even if this scene hadn’t made it so obvious, he’d known. It’s not a subject they can broach yet. Maybe not for a long time. The thought of Poe being fucked against his will to make him talk makes him feel complicit in something so vile he almost retches. Not even to make him talk, just to make him suffer. He takes a deep breath.

 _I AM_ _a traitor_ , he says. _To them. But not to you, Poe Dameron. Not ever._

 _Ever,_ he continues. _There’s something you’ve got to know. I’m Finn. But you're right. Because I’m FN-2187 as well. Always gonna be. He’s me. He’s Finn. He was always a terrible stormtrooper. Something broken inside. I mean, shit-hot in training sessions, no doubt about it, A1, top of the class, you wouldn’t believe how good. They only put me in sanitation because I helped out a guy with a broken arm in an exercise. I wasn’t supposed to. Was supposed to leave him where he fell. It was a literal shitty punishment, Poe_.

His voice gets quieter. Poe is listening to him now. Really listening.

 _I believed in that stuff. I believed in ALL of it. The glory of the First Order. I didn’t know what else there was. I can field-strip, charge and fire most weapons in the galaxy. Smaller stuff, anyway. I know scores of different ways to kill. They trained me ...thoroughly. But I wasn’t going to do it. Not for them. You can make a choice. You can. One of those choices, Poe? You. I chose you. I will always, always choose you_.

Poe sits down beside him. Not with his usual elegant flowing grace. It’s more like he can’t stand up any more. His hands are flat against the floor. They are holding him up. His eyes are wet.

 _I’d kill for you_ says Finn.

He already has.

 _I trust you,_ he says.

He always did.

Silence.

 _I love you,_ he says.

He always will. 

Poe is still not looking at him. But he speaks, hesitantly, in a whisper. _Everything inside me hurts,_ he says _. I don’t know what kind of hurt it is_.

 _I do_ , Finn says. He pushes up onto his elbows and looks at Poe from where he lies. He thinks he has never felt so much at once in his life. He knows he still mustn’t do what he wants more than anything, which is to fold this man into his arms. So he is listening instead. He is watching the way Poe’s lips press against themselves, tight and pale. He cannot bear his lover’s pain. But it floods him with relief, because now Poe _knows_. Knows what he is. Knows there are things he has been that he mustn’t be any more, but understands that those bits of him need to be loved too.

Poe is frowning. It’s a different kind of frown from before. He’s thinking things through. Feeling things through. It’s not easy for him. It wouldn’t be for anyone. Minutes pass in silence.

_So that’s how they fix things in the First Order, Finn? Get people to punch each other?_

He says it lightly, but there's sourness in it, and something more, something Finn can't place. 

_There are better ways, buddy. There really are._

He exhales, looks directly at Finn. And it’s Poe there, suddenly. Back in the room. Not so cocky, not so sure of himself, but here all the same. The pilot rubs the back of his hand over his eyes. He looks so tired. But he tries a smile and Finn feels it on his face like sun on warm stone. He says, _it’s ok Finn_. _Really it is._

And he says, much quieter, _FN-2187. It’s ok._

Then they are clinging to each other, sobbing and pressing themselves together as if they could make one person out of all the others they have been, as if they could make everything that is wrong right for evermore. Make everything new, Finn is praying, hoping that they already have. Somehow. He feels lips touching his own, tastes salt tears, the sting of them, doesn't know whose eyes they came from, and that small confusion, more than anything, finally reassures him. It's going to work. It's going to work. Fuck, without this, without this man, he --

When they finally pull away from the kiss, Poe stares at Finn’s face, cupping his chin gently between his fingertips. He’s looking into his eyes. Then he’s looking at his mouth.

So much tenderness.

Finn brings a hand up to touch the cut on his own lip.

Huh. Evens now. He smiles.

 _Yeah_ , says Poe. _I had one just like that, day we met._

 

 


End file.
